The last time I found myself googling that sentence was probably when I was around 16 and I know that what I was feeling then was my mental illness and that’s what I’m feeling now. Yet, it still feels like I’m going mad.
I’m struggling with control considerably at the moment, I feel like I have none. I feel like something else it taking over.
The times when I have to be in control are exhausting.
At the moment I feel like the only things I have control over in my life are the projects I’m doing for other people, however, I feel like I’m losing control of my brain.
Maybe I’m only writing this because I’m tired or because I’m in physically in pain right now and there’s nothing I can do. I don’t know.
All I know is that I don’t feel great at the moment, my general well-being isn’t good. I’m in the process of getting help, it’s just waiting.
The issue I have is that I want to keep going and doing my campaigning as I feel that’s all I’ve got at the moment and it makes me feel better whilst I do it. So why not?
I don’t know where this is going and I don’t know why I’m sharing it, I just feel like I’m going insane.
I’ll be fine, I think. I think I know I will. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, it just feels a bit messy.
Nothing feels real.