Christmas is tiring 

It’s Boxing Day 2016 and  Christmas/ celebrations of sort won’t stop until 31st of December. This happens every year. My birthday is the 30th and my parents are separated. 

So now Christmas Day with dad is over it’s means Christmas Day with mum will start tomorrow. Then we will visit other family members then it will be my birthday. 

It’s a never ending celebration and sounds great for many. However it is so stressful and tiring for me. 

I’m stuck in a house currently where everyone knows I have something called bpd. But they don’t know what it does, like my problems with eating, and anxiety. So it means that even though I’m surrounded by people it means I can’t talk to anyone. 

It’s exhausting having to keep up a fairly positive facade. Especially when I’m sat here feeling suicidal. But I know it will be over soon. I’ll try my best to enjoy it 

Tips for a self-care Christmas Day 

1- Treat it like an average day. Don’t put more pressure on yourself about it being amazing, just keep it like a normal day. 

2- Give yourself space. If things get overwhelming then go and find somewhere you can get away. Even if this ends up being the bathroom. 

3. Eat what you want to. That’s what everyone else is doing, so if you don’t want to/ can’t eat much then don’t force yourself to. And if you want to eat then eat as much as you like. Food is not the most important thing of the day.

4. Remember that most people are grateful. So don’t worry about what people may think of your gift that you’ve given them as they most likely will be grateful and if they aren’t then it’s not your fault. 

5. Try and enjoy yourself. It’s tough but it can be great so just try your best to enjoy it. 

Love you all and Merry Christmas!! Xx

My First Female Uber Driver

A couple of days ago I booked an Uber to take me to the station. I was shocked when it arrived and a female driver came out of the car. For the rest of the journey I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I was sat in the back of car in disbelief, every single other driver I have had has been male, every taxi driver had been male, also every train, tube, and bus driver too. Don’t get me wrong, I know that female drivers exist, but I had never encountered one before.

To be honest it wasn’t really the fact that she was female that shocked me though, it was my reaction to it that shocked me the most.

I found myself in the back of this car commenting on her driving in my mind saying things like “no wonder you don’t get many women doing this” or “god she’s a bad driver”. I call myself a FEMINIST yet I’m sat here thinking these things that society has made me think.

The men in my family constantly criticise the women for their driving, it is very British thing to criticise women’s driving. But it shouldn’t be. And I will not be shocked the next time I get a female taxi driver.

 

Veganism

Oh look, it’s a veganism post.

Before I start I want to say I’m not trying to force anyone to become vegan. I just want to explain why I am vegan, and what problems it has created for me. Also it’s really important to say that veganism, when done properly, is possibly the healthiest diet you can have, however if you don’t do it in a healthy way then it can be extremely damaging.

Also near the part way through I start talking about possibly triggering content. This will be marked with a *.

I became a vegan earlier on this year, before this I ate all animal products. About 5 years ago, when I was 14 I was vegetarian for a short period of time but other than that I have always eaten animal products.

I went to a vegan festival in may with a friend, and at the end of the day I came out of these vegan. For about a month I was dedicated to veganism. I knew what I was doing it for. I was doing it for the animals and the planet.

But as time went on I realised that things became more than that. Rather than it just being about saving the planet, it became more about how much I could cut out of my diet.

****I had EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) before I became vegan and I thought that becoming vegan would help me recover as I wouldn’t be eating any “Bad” foods anyway. Little did I know that this mentality would be the issue. My diet became extremely restrictive, and then as I got more and more restrictive I started getting myself into a cycle of binging on non-vegan foods and then. So instead of making myself better I just made myself sicker.

It was only when I was lead on the floor of a classroom in sixth form that I realised how ill I had become. I could barely move, I had no energy, and mentally I was feeling awful. To an outsider I probably didn’t look sick as I had lost very little weight, and was overweight anyway. But I was consumed and obsessed with eating a pure vegan diet and cutting out as much food as possible.****

I decided to do something about it and started planning healthy and wholesome vegan meals and cooking for my mum as well, that way I couldn’t get away with restricting the amount as I’d eat at the same time as her. I tried not to worry about eating vegan processed food as I knew that I was being vegan in order to help animals.

Since then I have tried my best to stick to a vegan diet and it has made me feel happier in myself as I know I am doing my best to help.